He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
