i think my mom watched the whole time
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
