Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
