lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
