we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
