I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
