can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
