WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
