maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I need to sanitize my soul.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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