absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
