If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so let's talk penis.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
