My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
