I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
