my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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