I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
