she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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