You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
