Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
