We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
