I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's shark week go big or go home
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
