So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's blow job season.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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