When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
