Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
