guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
