butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
