martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
