So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
