Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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