Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
