You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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