Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
