Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
