Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
