My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
