I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
