I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
