If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
