I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
