good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
