meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
