Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
