her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
