is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
