I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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