I want to make a zoo with you.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
