My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
