Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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