Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
