so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
