I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
