I wish I could punch you in the face.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
