remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
