I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize