im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
