it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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