Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
