Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
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What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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