I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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