After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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