There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
