No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
