I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
