omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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