Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
