Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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